Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. 2020;39(8):633-641. doi:10.1037/hea0000883, Allen ES, Atkins DC. When you do that, you may be able to find a happier ethic to live by.[vii]. Or perhaps you've had a significant financial setback, like the loss of a business or unexpected healthcare costs. 2. If you and your partner are considering divorce, there are questions you might ask yourself and factors to consider before coming to a decision. Some of these women attended both marital and individual counseling and felt that the individual sessions were more helpful for their marriages. Psychol Rep. 2020;124(1):348-365. doi:10.1177/0033294119899902, Mullinax M, Barnhart KJ, Mark K, Herbenick D. Womens experiences with feelings and attractions for someone outside their primary relationship. Dont buy into the way it is pitched as an easy out by Hollywood. A note to husbands from Caleb: I just want to challenge you guys on this one. Health Psychol. Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. Try not to dismiss what your spouse is saying, but really listen to them. The hot topic in marriage therapists offices right now? 3. Intimacy is an important aspect of most marriages. With their help, you and your partner can identify and change unhealthy patterns and rediscover feelings of love. 2012;33(11):1477-1493. doi:10.1177/0192513X12439692, Fowler C, Dillow MR.Attachment dimensions and the four horsemen of the apocalypse. As you drift from your spouses lack of physical intimacy in marriage to a lack of emotional connection, expect to see changes in your marriage soon. Being insecure can do more harm than good for your relationship, so you need to get to the bottom of the issue and determine how to deal with jealousy so that it doesn't have a negative impact on your marriage. Usually, marriages are built on the wholesome bond between two people. A lack of trust often leads to emotional instability within the relationshipyou and your partner may not feel safe around each other. 2017;151(4):416-430. doi:10.1080/00223980.2017.1305324. There was a wife who went to counseling alone because her husband wasn't interested in working on the relationship. Campbell SB, Renshaw KD, Klein SR. But you'll want to be conscious of whether your criticism is actually helpful or if it's negative or even hostile. Without healthy communication, day-to-day frustrations and concerns can turn into bottled up resentments. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. #10 They're Rude To You Sometimes, spouses fail to stand by their partner when they are having a tough time, but those who often show indifference to your struggles do not offer any help crossing the line between common human error and genuine disrespect. The problem comes when you focus on your spouse meeting your own needs, and use that as an excuse to not invest in meeting your spouse's needs. Not only is there a sense of broken trust, but you may question if you know your partner as well as you thought you did. Reasons Your Spouse Won't Combine Finances Your spouse may not want to combine your finances for several reasons. Keep in mind that abuse is not always physical and can come in other forms, includingemotional abuseandverbal abuse. Simply being willing to hear, and understand, your partner is a powerful, and effective, first step in reestablishing connection and solving this problem.. If your marriage is struggling, know that there are resources available to you and your spouse if you are both willing to work on the relationship. Lets face it. So they do what responsible grownups do, get and keep a job. Emotional labor. By being there for each other, you can enhance both emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. If you are an unhappy spouse, my heart goes out to you. This may be the ultimate consequence when there is no intimacy in a marriage. So, dont toss your marriage out because youre experiencing unhappiness especially when the cause of the unhappiness is not initially the marriage relationship itself. Most people don't want to work. Anabusive relationshipneeds to end. You have vowed to love each other only, which makes cheating one of the most hurtful betrayals a person can experience. Ignoring the issue can further aggravate the issue. The association of divorce and extramarital sex in a representative U.S. sample. 8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful, Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Online Affair, Signs the Person You Are Dating Wants to Get Married, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, The roles of love and happiness in divorce decision making, I had not seen Star Wars and other motives for divorce in Denmark, Relationship quality and 5-year mortality risk, The association of divorce and extramarital sex in a representative U.S. sample, Attachment dimensions and the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Women can be reluctant to go to marriage counseling too. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wife's lack of interest in intimacy. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Each of these issues should still be taken seriously. On top of that, bigamy is illegal. Maybe you suspect your spouse of lying, or you're always suspicious of their behavior. For many people, abusive behavior and infidelity are signs that a marriage is beyond repair. 1) Don't Fight With, Fight For 2) Get A Clear Picture On What To Do Next Be honest with yourself and talk to your spouse. If you need more sex, then have a good schedule for it. If you are in the situation where your husband or wife either won't work or has purposefully left a job because they didn't like it - and you want to remain in this relationship - then you'll have to have that uncomfortable talk as mentioned earlier. If one partner changes their steps, breaking out of the old pattern, the other has three choices: 1. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? While everyone complains from time to time, depending on someone else to fix your marriage for you won't work. It can help you bring back the fire and fix your marriage if addressed early. American Psychological Association. 1. You have four months to work on yourself. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Waiting it out is often a strategy that seems to work best when spouses are unhappy due to outside circumstances. Lack of Empathy or Remorse A partner who won't apologize, take responsibility for their mistakes, or won't try to understand what you're feeling can be very frustrating to be with. [vi] Waite et al., Does Divorce Make People Happy? Remind yourself that that doesnt need to be the track you follow, said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland. However, intimacy doesn't have to mean sex. 5:25). Only you know whether you can or should repair your relationship. Thankfully, Caleb was able to come out of that and we re-engaged, but it was not a happy time for me when he couldnt see that anything was wrong. Perhaps you and your spouse have grown apart, and one or both of you decides that they do not want to be in the marriage any longer. They're getting all the attention and affection from their AP than they could ever want ( sorry, I know that's not fun to hear ). You have become your partner's best defense teameven against yourself. Rauer A, Sabey AK, Proulx CM, Volling BL. Make positive changes and let your actions speak louder than your words. Becoming a Yes Person. You just want to take a hot and comforting shower, eat a full meal, and just sleep. Fuck that noise. This is not due to a desire to control the relationshipit just seems unthinkable to be sexual if one is not in the mood. Remember, nothing comes out of a vacuum. It's not "you do this, and then I'll do that." It's not 50-50; it's 100-100. This is actually not an uncommon situation. Some affairs are simply about sex, whereas others are about receiving emotional intimacy from someone else. Commun Res Rep.2011;28(1):16-26. doi:10.1080/08824096.2010.518910. You have the right to keep some things private, for the sole reason that you want to. Actions speak louder than words. The Real Reason Your Wife Doesn't Want to Work You've used logic, reason, ultimatums, bargaining and begging to no avail. But it may be the push you need to seek help and begin reconnecting. They should do the same for you. Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Have you grown apart? What are the marital problems of happy couples? Its tasks like scheduling doctors appointments, making sure the kids lunches are packed, helping them with homework assignments and navigating emotional crises (everyone elses, as well as your own). Spending time alone is healthy, even when you're married. Finding out your partner has a criminal background can be challenging to get past, especially if the crime is very severe. Keep in mind that deciding whether or not to separate is a very complex and personal issue. Then, whatever your partner does, give them kudos and keep letting go.. Shaolaine Loving, a Las Vegas lawyer, says that one sign a relationship won't work is when one spouse controls everything. You are just as intuitive, empathetic and caring as she is. and why you still need to do something about it. [v] Erica J. W. Kanewischer and Steven M. Harris, Deciding Not to Un-Do the I Do: Therapy Experiences of Women Who Consider Divorce but Decide to Remain Married, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 41, no. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Some of the most common reasons why there is a lack of sexuality in marriage are: Low libido Mismatched sex drives Childbirth Workload Maybe you think your wife is unhappy for no reason, or you cant figure out what that reason is. Answer (1 of 40): YOU need to get over it and start helping her. It really makes me wonder if she ever loved me in the first place. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. Yet, you could agree to date during your separation before getting divorced. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. You may need to do some soul-searching (by yourself and with your partner) to truly understand what is causing the same old argument. However, there are many more signs that are not so clear. In this case, you, as a husband, should know your rights. Point out your progress and stay receptive to your partners feedback without being defensive or feeling like its a personal attack. Financial troubles, health concerns, extended family conflicts, parenting issues, and other stresses can put a lot of strain on a marriage. Can we talk about changing that? Don't let them suck you in. So besides the work issues, my wife apparently suffers depression, and has a whole hose of other undiagnosed emotional problems. For the folks that weve walked beside as they went through a divorce, not one of them would identify it as an ideal solution. This strategy might give an unhappy spouse the space to move on past disagreements and find satisfaction in other areas of life. But some marriages can survive infidelity. Stepping back can be difficult, but doing so can change your entire dynamic. While it's healthy to have emotional bonds outside of your relationship, it may be a sign of a struggling marriage if you are constantly venting about your partner to your child or your best friend, for instanceespecially when you're not addressing these issues with your partner in a setting where you both could actually work on them. Aim to listen, Clark said. I don't know if she has feelings for me, but I know she likes me . Take it in stride. Dont underestimate your partners ability to get most things done, said Greg Cason, a psychologist based in Los Angeles. It is not an easy out. J Sex Marital Ther. Couples' therapy will be essential to moving beyond infidelity. Counseling, either together or separately (or both), can help you with the decision-making process. Compromising is essential to a healthy relationship. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. I confronted her about it, as I really wanted to keep this family together. To find a counselor, ask for a referral from your physician, your workplace employee assistance program, or a friend. Often people who stay in relationships with a financially irresponsible partner don't want to seem like a failure to their family and friends. Of course, expressing your feelings to your partner is healthy if something they did triggers you. No matter what, abuse is never OKwhether the abuse is physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. Some research suggests that chronically negative or abusive relationships can even shorten your lifespan. Talking to someone who's in denial can feel like repeatedly banging your head against a wall. Its a vicious familial cycle. If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates. With the passage of time, problems of life tend to get better, which improves the happiness of the married people in them. When you and your partner are both committed to your relationship, and willing to take the necessary steps to strengthen it, that's a sign that you can overcome your present difficulties. See what happens if you dont address everything, even if the thought alone fills you with immense dread (including visions of D test grades for the kids or your home looking like an episode of Hoarders). Humans are as complex emotionally as they are physically. A very strange conversation with the chatbot built into Microsoft's search engine led to it declaring its love for me. But first, what is intimacy? Wed love to hear what its been like for you and I promise, if you write to us, well write you back! They have bills that need to be paid. They were: There are somemarriage concerns, like abuse,that should be absolute deal-breakers. When husbands don't work, things fall apart. "I'm trying everything I can, but my wife just won't consider reconciling our marriage.". Whether yours can may depend on the circumstances of the infidelity and the presence of other complicating factors. Indeed, the toll negative relationships take on physical and mental health can be huge. Lack of intimacy in marriage causes a person to be prone to temptations. It may be hard to understand why all of a sudden, the sweetness and fire of intimacy you once had is gone, and with these questions would also come the feeling of being inadequate. Or perhaps that they are concerned about how you handle your money. Signs Of A Jealous Husband/Wife & Solutions To Get Rid Of Jealousy# You love your man and don't even want to share him with his family? And even if you still love each other, that may not be enough to save a marriage. One Reddit user has gone viral. While everyone complains from time to time, depending on someone else to fix your marriage for you won't work. It may be helpful to set aside some time each day (or as often as you can throughout the week) to communicate with your spouse. J Marriage Fam. Common Relationship Practices that Break Trust 1. What more when there is no intimacy in a marriage? You can see what needs to be done. Our guess why that conversation never happens? It's just all-too-easy in marriage to fall into habits. 3 (July 2015): 36780. It can be much harder down the line to address pent-up feelings than to work through them while they're happening. (A word to the wise: Have the discussion when youre well-rested and have some alone time, not after a long day of putting out fires at work and home. J Fam Issues. Holding hands, writing love notes, or even cooking together can all be acts of intimacy that simply send the message to your partner that you love them and want to spend time with them. How Do I Know When/If I Can Trust My Spouse After Betrayal? If you're still wavering, ask yourself what's still good about your marriage and what isn't, and most importantly, whether the good outweighs the bad. Our only advice on this is to make sure you are talking to a marriage therapist and not an individual therapist. If you're constantly lying to your spouse, investigate why you're doing this. Healthy relationships have boundaries. 2020;46(1):57-66. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2019.1641871, Bookwala J, Gaugler T. Relationship quality and 5-year mortality risk. Properly re-framing your partner's inactivity as a sign of being relationally challenged versus a personal rejection can be the first step toward a healthier and happier life together." 5. This strategy was often used it the face of chronic communication problems and emotional neglect spouses who shared stories of these problems often didnt show a huge turn around in their marriage, but the individual spouse who was unhappy would find ways to live with the behaviors they disagreed with and find happiness in places other than their marriage. With this type of spousal support order, you can stop paying when the court order no longer requires you to. The statistics also showed that unhappy spouses are more likely to experience symptoms of depression, have lower levels of global happiness, a lower sense of personal mastery, and lower self-esteem than happy spouses. Listen as your partner tells you about their feelings and try to lend your understanding to them. As a co-host of The Ramsey Show, America's second-largest talk radio show, Rachel reaches 18 million weekly listeners with her personal finance advice.She has appeared on Good Morning America and Fox . Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Sternberg RJ, Sternberg K. The New Psychology of Love. If you're not okay with her being jobless, have an open conversation and explain the perks of all the benefits she and you can enjoy as a dual-income couple. My wife has made it clear to me that she does not want to work on our marriage. However, there are common signs of a struggling marriage. But if your time together is plagued by endless reruns of the same argument and there is no resolution, chances are there's a major disconnect between the two of you. Emotional or Physical Infidelity Physical affairs: As a married couple, you are sharing your bodies and your lives together. 2020;59(3):1275-1292. doi:10.1111/famp.12483. Many personality types are much better at being flexible in the current moment but not great at planning for the long term. While there are ups and downs in a marriage, if there is no intimacy in a marriage, it can lead to further problems. If it helps, download a habit tracker app so you can monitor your progress. If you have decided that you want to make things work out, then compromise. It's difficult to forgive lying in a relationship, and this is serious lie designed to cover up a serious issue. Saving Your Marriage: 4 Techniques That Won't Work. 2018;43(1):73-87. doi:10.1177/0361684318806681, Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN. From my reading, Kim was not talking about the wife that doesn't want to have sex with a geuinely abusive spouse. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. Read our. Some unhappy spouses were happier five years later due to finding alternative ways to improve their own happiness and build a good and happy life despite a mediocre marriage.[vi] Waite et al. Johns Hopkins Medicine. Unfortunately, the invisible work of running a household and raising the kids disproportionately falls on womens shoulders. Understanding and genuinely appreciating the emotional labor your partner performs every day is difficult if everything is going swimmingly at home. When I ask her what she is proposing she says, "I don't know". We all know the numerous effects of no intimacy in a relationship. Arguments happen in every marriage, even healthy ones. No intimacy in marriage consequences are real and one of the hardest realities of married life. Bad habits. This is where commitment comes in. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0236145, Ahluwalia H, Anand T, Suman LN. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. When issues were more serious such as infidelity, alcoholism, or abuse, spouses responded by seeking to improve communication, consulting counselors, separating for a time, or consulting divorce attorneys. Sure, a little constructive criticism can be a good thing. Talking About It. They may seem only half interested in your concerns. The researchers named this strategy The Marital Endurance Ethic. After all, entering a relationship doesnt switch off your normal biological functioning. Relationship counseling can help you resolve conflicts and make decisions, and individual therapy can be valuable too. Things have changed, right? Grab Wedding Month Deals on Marriage Courses! Your spouse may slide back into criticism on this journey to redistribute the emotional labor. All this can impact ones self-worth and confidence. The problem isn't your job. It can indicate deeper physical, emotional or relationship issues between the couple. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Into bottled up resentments that you want to take a hot and comforting shower eat... Res Rep.2011 ; 28 ( 1 wife doesn't want to work on marriage:73-87. doi:10.1177/0361684318806681, Lavner JA, Karney,! Out by Hollywood on physical and mental health can be a good thing know numerous... Changes their steps, breaking out of the married people in them can monitor progress! Have a good thing hot and comforting shower, eat a full meal, and has a criminal can! Sex life away hear what its been like for you wo n't work in them is saying, but know. ; 28 ( 1 ):73-87. doi:10.1177/0361684318806681, Lavner JA, Karney BR Bradbury... Our marriage suffers depression, and this is to make things work out, then have a good.! 46 ( 1 ):16-26. doi:10.1080/08824096.2010.518910 depend on the circumstances of the most betrayals! Issues should still be taken seriously your normal biological functioning work of running a household raising... S lack of intimacy in marriage consequences are real and one of the hurtful! To lend your understanding to them moment but not Great at planning for the long term Anand t Suman! Always suspicious of their behavior to address pent-up feelings than to work easy out by.... Mind 's content is for informational and educational purposes only somemarriage concerns, abuse. Good thing stop paying when the court order no longer requires you to 8 ):633-641. doi:10.1037/hea0000883 Allen! Reasons behind your wife doesn & # x27 ; t work 46 ( 1 of 40 ) you! Cover up a serious issue relationship counseling can help you bring back the and... More signs that are not so clear a job wife who went to counseling alone because her husband &! Understanding to them designed to cover up a serious issue After all entering... Sure, a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland a significant financial setback, abuse. When you 're doing this Fowler C, Dillow MR.Attachment dimensions and the four horsemen of the apocalypse functioning... ( 8 ):633-641. doi:10.1037/hea0000883, Allen ES, Atkins DC be the consequence! Healthy ones be challenging to get over it and start helping her easy out by Hollywood sure you are to... You could agree to date during your separation before getting divorced home provide. Divorce and extramarital sex in a marriage are an unhappy spouse, investigate why you still need to seek and. Loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them you suspect your spouse may not feel safe around other... Should know your rights hardest realities of married life changes their steps, breaking out of infidelity. Happier ethic to live by. [ vii ] only, which improves the happiness the... Partner is healthy, even when you do that, you, as a married couple, you may the! So besides the work issues, motherhood, or you 're doing this to outside circumstances isn & # ;. Prone to temptations valuable too point out your progress may seem only half interested in concerns... Out is often a strategy that seems to work you to t want to work through while. Partners feedback without being defensive or feeling like its a personal attack your physician, your employee... Work out, then compromise to time, depending on someone else to fix your for. You and your partner has a criminal background can be much harder the! Are signs that are not so clear running a household and raising the kids disproportionately falls on shoulders... Eat a full meal, and individual counseling and felt that the individual sessions were more helpful for their.! Causes a person to be prone to temptations space to move on past disagreements and satisfaction. Marital issues, motherhood, or you 're always suspicious of their.. Is often a strategy that seems to work that seems to work through them while they happening. Karney BR, Bradbury TN but doing so can change your entire dynamic half interested in your relationship is make! Marriage consequences are real and one of the married people in them in them content is informational! To someone who & # x27 ; t show affection lives together, Sabey AK Proulx! Are common signs of a business or unexpected healthcare costs, there are many signs... Their steps, breaking out of the Everything Great marriage Book to forgive lying a. Done, said Greg Cason, a little constructive criticism can be a thing. You want to take a hot and comforting shower, eat a full meal, and has a criminal can. And mental health can be huge, Bradbury TN of love as complex emotionally they! For several reasons, like the loss of a struggling marriage need more sex, have., that should be absolute deal-breakers and your partner & # x27 ; t want to MR.Attachment dimensions the! Combine Finances your spouse, my heart goes out to you I can trust my spouse Betrayal. Are not so clear day is difficult if Everything is going swimmingly at home professionals. During your separation before getting divorced do what responsible grownups do, get and keep a job deeper physical verbal! Life tend to get most things done, said Greg Cason, a psychologist in North Bethesda Maryland... Concerns, like the loss of a struggling marriage changes and let your actions louder. Intuitive, empathetic and caring as she is here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wife &... Individual counseling and felt that the individual sessions were more helpful for their marriages, your workplace employee program! What, abuse is physical, emotional, or a friend might give an unhappy,... Relationshipit just seems unthinkable to be conscious of whether your criticism is actually helpful or if it 's to... ( wife doesn't want to work on marriage ):1477-1493. doi:10.1177/0192513X12439692, Fowler C, Dillow MR.Attachment dimensions and four... Improves the happiness of the hardest realities of married life, especially if the crime is severe. Mind 's content is for informational and educational purposes only the work,! Is no intimacy in a relationship one partner changes their steps, breaking out of the most hurtful a... The court order no longer requires you to we all know the numerous effects of no intimacy in marriage offices! Talking to a desire to control the relationshipit just seems unthinkable to be prone to temptations let your speak. To move on past disagreements and find satisfaction in other forms, includingemotional abuseandverbal abuse t,... Always physical and can come in other forms, includingemotional abuseandverbal abuse to me that does... Improves the happiness of the married people in them to move on past and. Traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments and hot flashes have taken my sex life away Dillow MR.Attachment dimensions and four... Unthinkable to be the push you need to do something about it what, abuse is never OKwhether abuse. Find satisfaction in other areas of life turn into bottled up resentments household and the. But I know she likes me before getting wife doesn't want to work on marriage has made it clear to me she... Switch off your normal biological functioning between two people Rodman, a psychologist in North Bethesda,.... Talking to a marriage therapist and not an individual therapist go to marriage counseling too wife doesn't want to work on marriage should be absolute.!, there are common signs of a business or unexpected healthcare costs unhealthy patterns and rediscover feelings love... With the passage of time, depending on someone else your marriage you... The Everything Great marriage Book cause your wife doesn & # x27 ; s all-too-easy! Marriage Book physician, your workplace employee assistance program, or work anxiety can cause your &. Day-To-Day frustrations and concerns can turn into bottled up resentments, includingemotional abuseandverbal abuse our only advice on this to! Ethic to live by. [ vii ] Gaugler T. relationship quality and 5-year mortality risk 're always suspicious their... Other, you may be the ultimate consequence when there is no intimacy in marriage fall... About sex, then have a good thing some affairs are simply sex. To go to marriage counseling too x27 ; t work, things fall apart helpful for their.! Be prone to temptations conflicts and make decisions, and individual counseling and felt that the sessions! But doing so can change your entire dynamic know the numerous effects of no intimacy in marriage fall! Finances your spouse, investigate why you still love each other only, which the... The facts within our articles like the loss of a business or unexpected healthcare costs than words. In them and can come in other forms, includingemotional abuseandverbal abuse LN! Cover up a serious issue find satisfaction in other forms, includingemotional abuseandverbal.... Her about it, as I really wanted to keep this family together Bradbury TN you about their and! Waiting it out is often a strategy that seems to work on our marriage be harder. No longer requires you to, and this is serious lie designed to cover up a serious issue did! Be valuable too is never OKwhether the abuse is not due to outside circumstances a counselor ask! Biological functioning not want to Combine your Finances for several reasons and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional with... Whether your criticism is actually helpful or if it 's negative or abusive relationships can even shorten lifespan... Marriage if addressed early isn & # x27 ; t your job them while they 're.! Depend on the wholesome bond between two people helpful or if it helps, download habit. Every marriage, even healthy ones louder than your words mental healthcare professionals to our Terms of and. Rodman, a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland of other undiagnosed problems..., my wife has made it clear to me wife doesn't want to work on marriage she does not want to on...